Time Out

Luke and SAM

We just had a very interesting enrichment mini class on time outs. The Relief Society president's husband is a Pyschologist and is currently working on his PhD. He gave us some insights on how to do time out more effectively. I wish I would have taken notes because I thought everything was so good and made so much sense! Here are some of the things I remember.

He started out by making sure we understand children need consistency and limits. Just like people know slot machines don't pay off more often than actually hitting the jackpot, they still know there is that chance, and so they go for the gold. Kids are the same way. If you let them off the hook one time, they will always take their odds and hope for the win over you!

Time outs should be in a safe, non-scary place. Preferably a place that doesn't have toys and that you have the option of using a lock; like turning around the lock on the door to the bathroom. Also you should have specific timer that ticks out-loud and is ONLY used for time outs. Place this timer close to the door or time out place so the child can hear it stop ticking and know time out is over.

Don't use warnings or threats in conjunction with time out. Don't say, "If you do or don't blah blah blah, then you will go to time out." Or I will give you to the count of three..... Let your children use their agency to make choices and then let the time out be the punisher not you as a parent. He really emphasized using lots of love with your children. Acting out in frustration teaches them to do the same. Don't get worked up over their behavior, just make them do the time so they know its not acceptable. Time out is a consequence to bad behavior. Even if the kids says, I'm sorry, or I'll stop now, or whatever excuse or manipultaion, once you have said its time for a time out, you MUST follow through.

Explain to your child why they are going to time out. Tell them that they must be quiet and calm during time out. If they kick and scream, wait until time out is over, let them out, and then put them back in time out as a separate consequence for misbehaving during time out. Responding to a kicking and screaming child during a time out is attention. Yes, negative attention, but it is engaging them in what they want. The child would feel control over you if you responded to their bad behavior. When a child comes out of time out they should be able to tell you why they were there and apologize or correct their behavior: example-go clean up the toys they refused to clean up, say sorry to their little bro for hitting him.

He pointed out that consequences should fit the crime for better results. Taking away Nintendo for not finishing dinner is not as effective as taking away their dinner and no more food for the night, or no dessert.

Also most importantly he emphasized the point that time out is very effective if done in this manner, but more importantly and significantly more effective is positive reinforcement. Children love positive attention more than anything and you should try and give it ANY TIME possible even for the smallest action. I have always agreed that you can catch more flies with honey:)

This is all I can remember for now. I will have to go back and reread it later and add stuff. But I just wanted to get down the things I could remember tonight before I hit the hay and forget it all. My memory is not the greatest. Boy am I glad I am not in school anymore:)

Yes, Luke is wearing a back-pack. He asked to go to school today. I don't know how he even knows what school is! They are little sponges and that's why I believe its so true that kids will learn from your example. As long as I can remember my dad has always said teach by your example.